Sunday, 15 May 2016

Writing Salon Week 3: Introductions

This post is for the May 15-21 writing event of the 2016 AIF Writing Salon. It's not too late to join in. If you've got an idea for a game, feel free to discuss it.

Every AIF game needs a sex scene. In order to keep the scope of the writing manageable, we're going to concentrate on writing a game with only one sex scene first. Later, more chapters can be added on to create a longer work. Choose one sex scene from your game and write an introduction that summarizes everything in your story leading up to that sex scene. Post these teasers to get feedback and to generate excitement about your full game.

Although it is painful to replace the amazing plot points and puzzles that you had in your mind with a simple introductory summary, doing so can often improve your game. Starting in media res, right in the thick of the action, can really improve the pacing of your plot. One of the most common writing tricks used in romance novels is to start with the protagonist and her love interest already be in love. A story about how two people get together is much more difficult to write and can be tedious to read.

If you have something you want to share, just post it as a comment to the blog post. Be careful to use a separate account for posting and not an account you use IRL. Anonymous comments are welcome, but it would be useful to tag your comments somehow so we know which comments are from whom. AIF Central sometimes has difficulties dealing with longer comments. You can break up your posts into multiple comments, or sign-up to become a blogger on AIF Central and make a new blog post with your content.


  1. This is my introduction. It is still rough and overlong and stilted, but it's a start:

    You regale Mrs. Harrow with your explanation of how Prussian mead can never compete with English mead due to the superior English climate. The coastal airs lead to more robust bees, you explain.

    "Perhaps that same coastal climate also leads to our superior English fortitude?" Mrs. Harrow proposes.

    "You are truly remarkable, Mrs. Harrow. You have such wonderful insights," you say.

    "You flatter me, Lord Kettering," she says with a shy smile.

    She looks so beautiful as your praise causes a hint of embarrassment to rise in her cheeks. You can't help yourself. You lean in and place your lips and against hers. Her eyes widen in surprise, but she does not object. Her lips are soft and moist.

    When you pull back, she looks at you with a confused expression. "Lord Kettering, I can't. My husband..." she says.

    "It's just a kiss. Did you not kiss others before your husband?"


    "Did a few kisses make your virtue any less true?"

    You quickly swoop in and kiss her again. You are more bold and run your tongue along her lips. She embraces you. Her lips part and you slide your tongue into her mouth. She is shy, unaccustomed to the French-style of kissing. She mews softly under your caresses. She soon learns to tangle her tongue with yours.

    You desire her so greatly. You grab her hips and press her body against your hardness.

    She pulls back. "No. We must stop. This is sinful," she says.

    "I did not expect an admirer of Descartes to be a slave to Church dogma."

    "It's not that. It's my husband. I love him."

    "I love your husband too. You can love many people. Loving one person does not diminish your love for another. To truly experience life, you must embrace all of its passions and emotions."

    She laughs. "You may have loved many women, but you have never experienced love, Lord Kettering. My husband and I have a true love. He owns all of my heart, and I own all of his."

    You scoff. "Your husband seemed very fond of Udele."

    1. "His eyes may see beauty in others. But he will never be unfaithful to me. Our souls are so deeply entwined that it is not even possible for another soul to get between us."

      "Then why is he in Udele's room examining her artwork? You do not feel uncomfortable that he is alone with her?"

      She sighs as if talking to a truculent child. "You do not understand true love. He would never betray our love. I am him and he is me. We are one."

      "You may understand true love, but you do not understand passion and sensuality. He desires her. He may be embracing her as we speak."

      She confidently rebuts your suggestion. "With true love, we experience a passion far greater than any of your carnal pleasures. He has no need to seek pleasure in her arms when our true love offers so much more. Our love provides for all our desires."

      "There are so many pleasures I could teach you, Mrs. Harrow. While we debate, your husband is indulging in many of them with Udele."

      She smiles coyly at you. "I am immune to your charm, Lord Kettering. I cannot betray my true love. My husband is not betraying it either."

      "And if he is betraying it? Would you then be free to explore my charms?"

      She rolls her eyes. "I suppose so. But he would never do anything with her."

      "I am sure he is doing many things with her. I could show you how to do the same things."

      "He is doing nothing with her. You will show me how to do nothing."

      "Then let us go see what they are doing. And whatever he is doing to her, you will let me do to you."

      "Fine. You will be sadly disappointed. Let's go to Udele's room."

      "I have a better idea."

      You lead Mrs. Harrow through some hallways until you come to an armoire. You push it away from the wall, revealing a secret chamber behind it. The mansion has many secret rooms built by your grandfather for smuggling. You now use those rooms for more lascivious purposes. You invite Mrs. Harrow to enter, bidding her to be quiet. Inside there are peepholes looking down into Udele's room.

    2. I really enjoyed reading through this! I'm dismayed that I can't yet read more. (: It certainly seems very appealing.

    3. This whole scene is well written and is shaping up nicely. If I had a suggestion (and it's a little hard to know whether this suggestion helps, since I've only read a small slice), maybe the scene telegraphs where the story is going a little bit too clearly? Perhaps you could mask what is coming from the reader by rephrasing a few lines judiciously?

    4. I want Mrs. Harrow to have full knowledge of the bet she is making. I'm not sure if I'm a good enough wordsmith to do that without outright saying that sex is involved. I'll try working on it some more.

    5. Yeah, fair enough, the consent issue is tricky if you leave things too vague, although she could still give clear consent after discovering the betrayal. Like I say, though, I haven't seen what comes before this. The story might be structured so that the game has already made it clear what the plan will be anyway. Also, the idea that you're going to maneuver her into having sex won't come as a surprise to the player regardless.

  2. Because of the nature of my game I may not really be able to participate in this bit - it doesn't have one big sex scene but rather a bunch of little bits. Still, I'm interested to see what others produce.

    1. Participate in whichever Writing Salon events work for you. If you do have some sort of introduction that you would like some feedback on though, feel free to post it here.

    2. Actually, I've changed my mind and I will drop in a section of the game. I do want to participate! The following is an event that happens (with slight variations) in probably every branch of the game, triggering the more sexual 'detention' stage. There is obviously a fair bit of character development before this happens, as well as the freedom to try things. Events can unfold a little differently, but this is kind of a story bottleneck where the branches bunch up:

      "Okay, got it. One bullseye coming up." Cupid nods, but he doesn't look one hundred percent certain.

      Ding ding ding ding ding! The bell for the end of class rings! Then people start pushing their chairs out, standing up and walking toward the exit.

      "Alison and Haley: don't forget you have to stay after class," Mr Hooper says as students start to stream past him.

      "See you later, babe," Billy grins at Haley, then joins the other students.

      "Hurry!" You tell Cupid, "He's about to leave!"

      "Yeah, yeah," he says dismissively, then he lifts his bow. He draws the string and, with a slight wobble to his hand, he takes aim at Billy as Billy walks toward the door. "Just got to lead the target a little and…"

      "Are you sure you-"

      THWIP! Thunk!

      "AAhh!" Mr Hooper shouts and slumps forward. None of the departing students seems to care, they just keep walking out. Billy is among them.

      "Wh- what… happened?" Mr Hooper mutters as he straightens out.

      "Uh oh." Cupid's voice is genuinely alarmed, and you can see why. The golden arrow that he fired at Billy is currently protruding directly out of Mr Hooper's crotch. "Bullseye," Cupid shrugs, looking sheepish, "But, uh… this could be a problem."

    3. That was really funny. I can't wait to play it.

  3. So I've changed my plan AGAIN (last time, I promise!) to a simple first date scenario. The intro I have is:

    "You read the message for what feels like the twentieth time, "3:30 at Benscamo's Cafe? Ok great, looking forward to it!." and then turn off the screen of your phone. You never thought you'd try online dating, but this time it paid off! You just moved to this town to take a new job at a fancy gym and you know exactly 0 people here. So at the advice of a friend you wrote up an awkward profile, took some selfies at your most flattering angles, and took a chance.

    At first, you scoffed, none of the women seemed that interesting, all the guys were weird douches, and until you noticed a profile named KitKat2000, well, rather you noticed the picture that went along with that somewhat silly name (not that yours was any better!). A pretty brunette, with long curly brown hair, and green eyes. And a killer smile. Being an, ahem, normal red blooded American male you were curious about how her body stacked up as it were but the only picture she had uploaded didn't show anything below the shoulders. A bit disappointing, but perhaps it wards off the creeps.

    After messaging back and forth a few times, and learning that her name was Katherine, you found out that you both had some interests in common, specifically outdoor activities such as hiking and mountain biking, movies, and other somewhat superficial things you decided to meet up and see if your personalities clicked regarding less superficial things.

    So, swallowing your nervousness and drying off your clammy hands (why are you so nervous, you ask yourself, you've been on dozens of first dates before! Relax!) you took the bus downtown to a nice little cafe you both knew."

    A bit boring and prosaic perhaps but I want this to be a lead off prequel of sorts to a bigger game I'm working on so I thought I'd start off with something simpler.

    So after navigating some date puzzles and earning enough points you can get Katherine to overcome her resistances to hooking up on a first date

    1. It reads well and quickly sets the scene. I like it.

      Don't forget that you can use your introduction to temporarily stand-in for the various scenes and gameplay that you intend to fill in later.



      That first date felt like the equivalent of five regular dates. After hitting it off at the cafe, you were on your way to a movie with Katherine, when you noticed the smoke coming from that house. Saving the kids from the fire was definitely worthwhile. Going back for the kitten wasn't as good an idea, especially since it kept scratching you. Then Katherine had the crazy idea that you should both buy some new clothes to replace your smokey ones before continuing on the date. You'll never forget seeing her model some clothes for you. It was too late for a movie afterwards, so you two decided to go for a walk along the moonlit lake. You didn't know they were filming a movie involving an outdoor orchestra and fireworks at the lake tonight, but it was a perfect ending to your evening.

      When you dropped her off at her place, she invited you upstairs to watch some HBO. She has an HBO subscription! You can finally catch up on Game of Thrones!

  4. Here is my intro for Little Bastard.
    You sharply nod your noggin and a high pitched creaking sound echoes down the elevator shaft, causing Laurelynn and Hudson to shutter.

    Laurelynn carefully rises to her feet and looks to the ceiling. "There has to be an opening somewhere up there."

    Hudson is less reluctant to help her this time around. He stands up and wipes the sweat from his brow. "I'll lift you up. Ready?" He asks, moving closer to Laurelynn.

    She gives him the okay, then Hudson lowers himself down and wraps his bulky arms around her hips. Laurelynn swallows a giggle as she is raised up high enough to search the ceiling of the elevator. After some poking around the clever girl finds the escape hatch.

    You tilt your head and break the mechanism that opens the hatch. At the same time, you destroy the rest of the lights, causing sparks to fly from the broken sockets, rendering the service elevator pitch black.

    Laurelynn screams and grasps Hudson's shoulders tightly.

    "Are you okay?" He asks, feeling the tightness of her grip.

    "Yes, just let me down," she says in a defeated tone.

    Hudson does as she asks, gently guiding her down onto her feet. She softly thanks him and releases her hands from his shoulders.

    "What else could go wrong," Hudson complains, using his hands to feel his way back to his seat.

    Laurelynn finds her phone and turns on it's flashlight to illuminate the room.

    Hudson smiles. "Okay, you convinced me. I need a better phone."

    They share a laugh, but Laurelynn's throat dries up, causing her to cough.

    You wink your left eye and Hudson offers Laurelynn the last of his water. Laurelynn places a hand over her heart and thanks Hudson for the gesture. Hudson watches as she readily gulps down the water, not wasting a single drop. She takes a deep breath when finished.

    "Better?" Hudson asks.

    Before Laurelynn can respond with anything more than her million-dollar smile, you wink your right eye, causing the battery on her phone to drain completely, making the room pitch black again. You let the duo fester in the heated elevator, and in the safety of complete darkness Laurelynn and Hudson remove what is left of their clothing in desperate attempt to stay cool.

    You wiggle your nose causing the elevator to drop slightly, giving the illusion that it is on the way to falling. Feeling the full effects of your actions, Laurelynn and Hudson experience very strong emotional distress. In this moment of despair, they find themselves deeply connected by the frailty of their lives and the reality of their shared unfortunate fate.

    You offer them a glimmer of hope by stopping the disturbing sounds from the elevator shaft, stabilizing the elevator, and bringing the ceiling lights back on to their dim state. The captives exchange a look of relief that they may yet live to see another day. Then they quickly realize that they have both disrobed completely. Hudson's eyes explore Laurelynn's shapely, sweat soaked body only to get stuck, mesmerized by her uncovered breasts, nipples hardened by the attention. Laurelynn gazes greedily at the glistening, chiseled figure sitting across from her, curious about how it would feel to be wrapped in his manly arms again.

    1. That's a lot of great ideas for things that can happen in an elevator!

      You might need a paragraph at the beginning to set the scene and to explain who "you", Hudson, and Laurelynn are. People who haven't read your game idea might be confused as to what's happening and how you are able to affect things. Some people might assume that you're a vengeful ghost trying to kill the couple!

  5. I have a slightly different request that someone might be able to help with. I'm writing a comedy and I'm still tinkering with whether to use some music cues in the game or not. What I am looking for is two pieces of music:

    First one is I want "funny" porno music. Basically the cue that follows the line "But what am I going to do with TWO plumbers?" or plays on a sitcom when they turn on a television that's not facing the audience and it has to get across exactly what they are seeing on the screen. I've found a couple things but it's very hard to search using the keywords "free" and "porn" (Free as in CC3 license so it can be used by attribution only...

    The other piece I'd want is a schmaltzy sort of 80's space adventure theme that would be generic-sounding enough that it would be used in porno. Dr. Who meets Porn.

    If I do decide to actually use music, these are for a a work titled "Breeding Princesses of the Planet Lesbonicon" if that gives any more hints in the direction I'm going. "So bad it's funny" porn.

    1. I get music for games here:

      The quality standard is high and all the music is under creative commons licenses, so you can use it without violating copyright. You can also search based on genre, so that might make the hunt easier.

      That said, I still suspect you'll have some searching to do. The hassle is that you have to actually listen to things to find out if they work for you, which takes time.

    2. For videos, I often use the YouTube Audio Library. I think the license allows you to use the audio for any creative work though (it's more of a generic royalty free license), so you can use the music in games too.

      If you play a lot of small indie games, you will notice that the name Kevin Macleod comes up alot.

  6. Quick ADRIFT question, I've got a room with two female characters in it, how do I make it require the player to specific which character's body parts they examine? As I've got it now it gives me "Which breasts? The breasts or the breasts?" It works when specifying which character, but I'd like the general response to say "Please refer to the specific character when examining body parts" or something. Probably an easy answer but I'm stumped!

    1. You'll get better responses for ADRIFT questions if you ask on the ADRIFT forum (I do all the time):

      But one simple solution would be to create a text override for the phrase: "Which breasts? The breasts or the breasts?" and replace it with: "Please refer to the specific character when examining body parts."

    2. I don't know any Adrift, but be careful about the scope of your game. As you've already seen, just adding another character can quickly lead you down a hole of complications. You should always be looking to simplify. Do you really need a fully interactive character or will be simple character who can only be examined be enough? Do you really need an character or is a non-interactive character who simply appears in the room description enough? Do you really need a non-interactive character at all, or can you alter the plot so that similar stuff happens but you don't need the extra character?

    3. It's just a simple non interactive character (the barista at the café), you just order coffee from her and if you check out her rack too much while on your date it affects things negatively. BBBen's tip helped, thanks!

    4. No worries. I was just concerned that something that should be simple was becoming a coding nightmare. In those cases, if you can't code your way out, you can sometimes just sidestep the problem by changing the story a little bit. I'm glad your found a proper solution.

  7. Just as an intro to my intro:

    I've settled on one scene from Hitwoman to focus on for the salon. Essentially it is one of the 'missions' that make up most of the game, but are designed to be independent, stand-alone scenarios in their own right, with a beginning, middle and end. They're no longer directly associated with the main plot of the overall game, except insofar as being required to complete them all. I've also fiddled around with that main thread, moving the flashbacks to the present-day instead and shifting some scenes around. It is basically like Hitman but with more sex.

    This intro hopefully summarizes one branch up to the main sex scene, via a shorter one just before it. I'm not really sure if it gives too much information or not enough. Thoughts? Too wordy?

    1. "Make him happy...?"

      He smiled broadly. "Happy. Yes. What is 'happy'? I only set exam, not give answer."

      I caught myself raising an eyebrow when I queried his request, before realising that only added authenticity to the act I was putting on. If I were more experienced I might have given myself away by not reacting so naively. Ironic.

      "This is no problem?" he asked in his thick Russian drawl, pausing to snort another line of coke. The thumping heavy bass penetrated the VIP area in which we were sitting, the strobe lighting flickering under the curtain separating us from the stage floor. A raucous cheer came from beyond it that I assumed had been caused by one of the house girls doing her party trick.

      "No, of course," I said. "Whatever you want. May I ask who I'm making 'happy'?" I added the air quotes with a twitch of my fingers. I hoped I wasn't overdoing it. He didn't seem to notice or react.

      "Your performance on stage," he said, seemingly ignoring my question, "was beautiful. Such grace. Such movement. Such... eroticism. These breasts alone are exquisite!"

      He paused, so I filled it with "Thank you."

      He seemed satisfied and continued. "I see many girls. Very hot girls. Pretty girls, all types. But you, I like. Big potential. I want to give you job. I do. But stage dance, it is... one part of job. Lot of girls strip, but not all make him happy. So he happy, me happy, all happy. Then you get job, yes?"

      I already knew where this had headed but just wanted him to spell it out. It was clear he didn't intend to, so I pushed it out into the open.

      "You want me to make him cum? Fuck him?"

      "Oh, so crude!" he said with a belly laugh. The three large bouncers standing off to the side joined in when prompted by the fat man. "But this is why I like you. You are confident. This is good!"

      I recalled the details from the mission dossier. Dmitry Krolkov, Russian mafia. Reclusive owner of this strip club, a front funnelling the profits to the least savoury aspects of organized crime. It wasn't hard to see why someone would want to put a contract on his head, not that I was supposed to care. Just one more step toward graduating from the Academy as a fully-fledged, independent assassin who can pick and choose her own jobs.

    2. In the short-term, passing this final 'exam' of Krolkov's and earning a little trust should grant me greater access to the rest of the building, including the penthouse suite – the only place I'd seen him go without being shadowed by his goons. I needed to get him alone, but even then I'd still have to improvise. It's not like there was any option to conceal my weapon with this outfit.

      "Be creative," he added. "I not want specifics, just make him happy. You are sexy girl. Really. I not have camera in there, so he will tell me. I not want to watch. I trust him to tell truth. Go. Be creative. I wait."

      "You still haven't said who I'm supposed to make happy. I thought it would be you." I dispensed with the air quotes this time.

      "Go. I wait," he repeated, waving me across to the private booth. He turned away to snort another line.

      I rose and sauntered over, reflexively adjusting my robe to cover my skimpy costume underneath, not that it mattered given how much everyone in the room had already seen of me. I had to admit a tiny part of me was curious about this, even looking forward to it. I was still horny and excited enough from my prior audition that I almost wanted to pass the test for my own sense of pride and perhaps a dick inside me as a bonus.

      Come on, be professional. Keep control of the situation, I thought to myself. You have a job to do. This is a means to an end. Jeez, they teach all manner of ways to kill a man, but lap dancing was not on the syllabus. Mind you, neither was performing on stage like that.

      Improvise. Be the sexy, confident woman the Russian alleged. Make him happy.

      I pulled back the curtain of the private booth. My eyes swept over the velour covered walls to the buff and handsome young man sitting alone inside. My heart skipped a beat.

      "I'm here to make you happy," I said, flashing a smile and slipping off my robe.

    3. A smooth and pleasant read. It really nails that pulpy feel.

    4. Thanks! I'm still on the fence over the use of first-person, but I like it so far since a) it might be wise for a defined female PC, and b) I've never written a game in this perspective before, so that's new.

  8. It's Friday night and you're finally finished school. You're looking to relax and kick back with your best friend, Alex, he has a killer video game collection and a huge house.

    You call out to him as you exit the school building. "Hey man I'm bored we should head round to your house" You tell him "Yeah man, walk home with me and we can order some pizza" he smiles back at you.

    "We just have to wait for my sister, mum would kill me if i left her behind" he sighs. Not long after he says this Kara your friends drop-dead gorgeous younger sister, emerges from the school building.

    "Hi," She greets you, grinning in a michevious way, looking at you with her piercing blue eyes, twisting a finger through her long brown hair. "Are you coming over tonight?" "yeah me and Alex are going to play some games" you reply "Maybe I could join you for a bit" at this request Alex groans but Kara takes the oppertunity to give you a sligh wink. "Lets go!" she announces as she takes the lead onto the street.

    You take a moment to look her over as you follow her down the foot path. She's a year under you at school, but she's hot an curveyer than most of the girls in her grade. You find her incredibly attractive but nothing could ever happen between the two of you, since your best friend, Alex, would kill you.

    You walk to Alex's house with Kara in tow. You arrive and Alex opens the door and invites you in. Running up stairs to his room, "We were going to order a pizza" retorts Alex. "I'm gonna go warm up the consoles" Alex runs off upstairs.

    You move to follow him when Kara pulls you aside. "I might drop in on you boys if thats ok" You shrug "Fine by me" she smiles at you She skips away towards her room. You arrive at Alex's room and find him fiddling with the consoles on his floor.

    1. I like the little details like how Kara twists a finger through her hair.

      It could use a grammar and spelling check. The dialogue was hard to read sometimes due to the punctuation issues. Don't forget to start a new paragraph for each new speaker:

  9. The rough draft of my intro that should hint at path(s) not taken whilst bringing the player up to speed.

    The last school trip of… well, school. One final field trip before the exam period and the few of you studying geography will spend a few days together in a hostel in “sunny” Wales. The hostel sits in the middle of a clearing in the woods. Despite Miss Travis telling everyone to stay in their rooms you decided to sneak out on the first night to get some fresh air. Creeping round so as not to set off the security light you managed to reach the edge of the woods. From there you wandered around the building and were disappointed to discover that busty blonde bombshell and rugby captain squeeze Abby had closed the blinds before her shower. Further round you were shocked to find that shy punk rocker Beth was missing from her room. Fred meanwhile had his curtains open, porn on the laptop, and a jar of peanut butter by his side. You moved on quickly before discovering what that was used for.

    As you finished your lap of the hostel you are caught by the light from Miss Travis’ room, glancing in you were shocked to see her dark raven hair cascading over her pale skin as she lay naked on her bed masturbating with a vibrator. Unable to take your eyes off her you found yourself walking forwards for a better view. Stepping out of the woods you freeze as the light turns on - but to your surprise as her eyes meet your she doesn’t stop. Without breaking eye contact you find yourself at the window. Unfortunately as you try to open it it doesn’t budge and she shakes her head slightly. You watch with great interest as she brings herself all the way to orgasm. The vibrator off she saunters over to the window, glancing at your cock straining against your trousers she winks at you before closing the curtains.

    On the field trip itself you find Miss Travis and have a quick word, she drops a subtle hint that you might be able to get through the window tonight. So as the sun sets you prepare to sneak out once more.

    1. Wish my geography field trips had been half as fun! Sounds great - looking forward to reading more. Interesting teases of the other characters as well.

  10. Here's my intro:
    It's been a wonderful night. Not only did your band win the gig (a simple performance at a bar), but you met this wonderful woman. Her name is Norma, and she knows how to melt faces with her amazing guitar skills. While your friends were getting wasted, you spent the night talking to Norma, getting to know her better. Just as you're about to leave the bar, Norma asks you to come over to her place.
    Anticipating the sex that's obviously on Norma's mind (and not wanting to sound like a total jerk), you agree.
    After all, you know what they say...
    All's fare in love and rock.

    1. Looking good. A small typo got in at the end. I assume it should be "fair" and not "fare."