Monday 12 January 2015

January Open Thread: Dialogue Presentation

This is going to be a pretty simple question with only two answers that I can think of. I'm being selfish with the open thread here and asking something directly related to the game I'm working on.

Which of the following formats (script or book style is the best terms I can think of, not asking about the colors), in your opinion, is best in an AIF story (reader perspective):
Erin: I'm freezing. Isn't there anything we can use to warm up?

John: Here, I found this blanket.

Erin: Thanks!

John: Great, can we have sex now?

Erin: What? No, this is an example, not an AIF game.

OR

"I'm freezing," Erin said as she rubbed her arms together. "Isn't there anything we can use to warm up."

John opened up his backpack. "Here, I found this blanket."

"Thanks!"

"Great, can we have sex now?" John asked eagerly.

"What? No, this is an example, not an AIF game," Erin said as she pulled the blanket tighter.

9 comments:

  1. I like choice 2, as long as the colors are easily readable for people. For me reading the sample, the blue text against the dark gray background is kind of hard to see. Although, now that I think about it, are you asking about using colors or just the general format?

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    1. Format, not the colors. I almost didn't include the colors because I wasn't sure if it would cause confusion.

      Also, when I typed the post I forgot about the grey background (the blogger page is white). I will update.

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  2. Second option, by a mile.

    I absolutely cannot stand the first option for the simple reason that it removes all the information about *how* things are being said (it's a play script, minus the stage directions, or any direction at all). Also, you shouldn't need to constantly tell people who's speaking, since that should be obvious from the dialogue.

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    1. Funny you should say. One of my (many) ideas that only got started and never finished was a romp involving a movie studio / theater. The idea was to use the first style just for that purpose, having stage directions and the like in place of regular conversations and emotions.

      It never got fleshed out enough and I abandoned it. You were a prop guy and had to go to various sets to get items to more or less score with the actors.

      That said, unless it is some very specific reason like that, I also much prefer the second one. It isn't that you always need a line to explain in great detail what each person is saying or doing. In your example you even did this - Erin simply said "Thanks!" without need of an expression, and that can be fine. Even when nothing is added it just seems much more story-like and less mechanical written that way.

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    2. Well, as the person who probably popularised option 1 I can say it does make things a bit harder. I opted for that style to directly mirror bishoujo games and to better serve the ... line breaks in the text. It doesn't actually completely remove all the information about how things are said - you can put that in the line before or after, and that's what I do if it's needed - but that takes a bit more finesse than usual. Oh, and I think script style works a little better with present tense. Here is how I would have written that passage:

      Erin: I'm freezing. Isn't there anything we can use to warm up?

      Erin rubs her arms together while John opens his backpack.

      John: Here, I found this blanket.

      Erin: Thanks!

      John looks eager.

      John: Great, can we have sex now?

      Erin: What? No, this is an example, not an AIF game.

      Erin pulls the blanket tighter around her.


      Also a lot of important dialogue in PA games has voice acting, and therefore it's already pretty clear how it's being said.

      Generally I would use option 2 for non-Pervert Action stories, even if it does make it a little harder to drip feed the information through line breaks.

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    3. Oh, by the way, I like the coloured text for dialogue when there's a black background. Coloured text tends to look a bit ugly on a grey or white background, although you can make it better on white by making them dark colours (dark blue, red and purple all work okay).

      I've seen ADRIFT authors use option 2 like you've done here with coloured dialogue and I've liked it because it draws the eye in an interesting way.

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  3. The second option. I don't really even like writing in the first style, there's so much I want to communicate that I can't.

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  4. I made the mistake of using the first of these options in my comp game (the least of the games problems honestly) and it did look pretty awful.

    Second is better, the writer needs to make sure they are clear on who is actually speaking though.

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  5. This seems to be pretty one sided on the later. That is also the one I prefer, so I'll be sticking with it. I asked because I'm not strongly opposed to the first, and I thought it would save a considerable amount of time and that some people preferred that style. Not worth any potential time savings and going against my own inclinations though given the reaction here.

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